I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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