is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
only if we run a train.
done.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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