Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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