Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
