her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
