i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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