I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
