He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
