bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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