Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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