I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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