Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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