My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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