We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Mom said you looked used
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
