Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i love accidental penises.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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