It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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