you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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