She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
