dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
