he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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