Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
