Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
