There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
