But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
