I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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