I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
