Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
