..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
