Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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