i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
