:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
