Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So squirting runs in the family.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
