kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
