Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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