Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
