I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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