I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
