we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
