I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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