DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
