my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
