You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
