you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
