8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize