Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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