think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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