She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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