Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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