i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
