I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You are a genius and a whore.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize