You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize