Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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