at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
