ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
splinters make it hard to masturbate
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
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