just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
