So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
