I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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