is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
