Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just googled if crying burns calories
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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