I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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