Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
