worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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