Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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