what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
