Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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