Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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