we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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