Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
