i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
