she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize