Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
