i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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