And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize