I wish I only lived at night.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
