So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
