My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
