Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
