The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
