i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just blew my weed a kiss
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
