Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
