my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
