So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
