Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
