I think my vagina is haunted
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
