They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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