Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
