I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
These tits shall not be calmed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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