That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
