my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
