Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
