My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
