I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
