I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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