Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
