You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
