god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
