OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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