i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
