Will you blow on my dice?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Mom said you looked used
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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