you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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