hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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