Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
nutella sex= disaster
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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