i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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