Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
